Subject: Loving Someone with Opposing Views
Date: Sun, 12 Nov 1995 00:00:44 -0500

Note: This segment was broadcasted on Arutz-7 approx. one week 
prior to Rabin's assassination.

Loving Someone with Opposing Views
by Rabbi Shlomo Aviner

A friend of mine asked me, "How can I not hate those people?  After all,
they have terrible opinions and ideas which are simply dangerous for the
nation, the Land, and the State of Israel! Must I retain cordial
relations with them, and nod to everything they say?"

The answer, of course, is no, he need not agree with all that they say,
and no, he must not hate them. The question is based on a blurring of
two different concepts. Disagreements are legitimate, and sometimes even
necessary. One is obligated to wage a forceful intellectual
confrontation against ideas that may destroy the Jewish people. But this
is a far cry from an obligation to hate the person expressing those
ideas. Divided opinions - yes; divided hearts - no. We must understand
that even when an idea is hateful, the man expressing it is not.

"But," comes the response, "it is too difficult to make this
distinction. After all, it is only natural to identify the person with
what he says." The answer to this is that it may be hard, but we have no
choice but to make this distinction. We cannot make one big salad out of
everything. We must understand that if, for example, one takes a certain
political stand, it doesn't constitute his entire identity. We must
remind ourselves that the man is not a "political animal" whose entire
being is merely a support system for his party's opinions; he also
breathes, and goes to work, and has a family, and does kind acts for
others. Why must we box his entire personality into one narrow
compartment? It is incumbent upon us to separate in our minds between
the man, and the opinions that he holds. For if we don't, but instead
form stereotypes, and create mental caricatures blowing this one aspect
of his personality way out of proportion, this distorted portrait
replaces our knowledge of him as a human being created in the image of
G-d, and we begin to view him as a foreign object, a "political animal."
From here easily arises the (mistaken) dispensation to hate, and to
attack, and, who knows, even to murder.

True, it is often natural for the relationship between people with
opposing ideas to deteriorate. At least one side will almost inevitably
begin to feel less respect for the other. The solution for this is
simply "communication". They must talk with each other, listen to each
other, and exchange ideas. Should we then start to organize symposiums,
or public meetings? No, no - nobody ever really understands each other
in those types of settings. I am referring to small groups, such as
one-on-one, or maybe a few more. The English sociologist Parkinson once
said that the exchange of ideas is effective between three and five
people; if there are any more than that, he is no longer talking, but
making a speech. Speeches don't help bring about true understanding
among people; talking does.

Everyone knows people who are of a different opinion than they are:
friends, colleagues, family members.  In every family there are Jews of
Ashkenazic descent and Sephardic descent, religious and non-religious,
conservatives and liberals, haredim and zionists. Open a friendly
dialogue with them, and you will reap a double profit. First of all, it
will destroy his caricatured perception of you, and second of all, it
will destroy your caricatured perception of him. I'm not saying that you
will convince him of your position, but rather that each of you will
begin to see the other as a human being, and therefore deserving of your
respect and love.

Shalom.
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Rabbi Shlomo Aviner is the Dean of the Ateret Kohanim Yeshiva, 
the Rabbi of Bet-El Aleph, and a prominent figure in the 
National Religious movement.
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